Surrender
Allowing yourself to surrender might just save your back … or your life.
Raise your hand if you have endured pain as a badge of honor – or at least as ‘it comes with the territory of being a woman.’
This week offered me a big lesson on that misguided and dangerous inclination.
I’d been noticing a sensation in my left leg over the past several weeks that my inner critic chalked up to a combo of a) simply walking too much on cobblestone streets (plenty of those in Portugal), b) schlepping heavy suitcases from here to there (that’s what you get for living like a vagabond), c) advanced age (!), d) not enough strength training, e) general woosiness (aka girly weakness). My inclination: Carry on! I’m a strong independent woman! Aches and pains don’t get me down or slow me down! And it’s likely temporary anyway so ... just grin and bear it.
Until that morning last week when the pain was so excruciating in the middle of the night that I simply couldn’t sleep. And when I attempted to rouse myself in the morning... nothing doing. My left leg had gone on strike.
Wait, what????
That CAN’T happen. I’ve got places to go, people to see, adventurous people to coach, a Summit to host, for God’s sake.
My left leg didn’t give a crap about all that. It wasn’t budging. And it decided to share its decision to revolt with other parts of my body, who gleefully succumbed. My neck embraced its inner soldier and became rigid. My lower back did the opposite: it throbbed. My head was conducting its own cacophonous symphony.
Good thing my system timed its breakdown with my arrival at Quinta Carvalhas, site of Sidecar Summit Portugal, where I came a week early to treat myself to stillness and presence prior to hosting adventurous women leaders at the Summit. It never ceases to amaze me how the body knows what’s up and what it needs way before the brain will register and acknowledge that.
What an absolute relief to collapse into the nurturing care of the Quinta staff. They got me to the local emergency room, stayed with me to translate doctor’s orders, drove me to the pharmacy to pick up my pain meds, and have done everything in their power to make me comfortable – even installing a microwave oven in my room so I can continuously warm up the heating pad they’ve provided. They’ve filled me with stories of their own individual struggles with lower back problems and reassured me that, if I am vigilant about self-care for this condition, seek out professional and personal support, and don’t over-exert myself, I can get back to normal and carry on in a healthier and more sustainable manner.
Aha! That seems like the formula for so many of the women I coach. I’m encountering so many women leaders in some stage of burnout/ overwhelm. They are getting to that point of ‘leg won’t move,’ yet aren’t allowing themselves the space to acknowledge that and adapt accordingly. Because societal conventions have told them some version of ‘pain is a badge of honor’ or ‘I’m strong, independent, and can withstand all kinds of pain’ or ‘this comes with the territory of being a woman.’ The consequences of this (sometimes wilful) ignorance can be dire. For me and my condition: not acknowledging and taking appropriate steps for a herniated disc can mean: chronic pain, permanent nerve damage, loss of mobility. Now transfer that to conditions like burnout and overwhelm. Not addressing these can lead to heart disease, high blood pressure, depression, ruptured relationships, and a whole host of other doozies.
If you are recognizing anything about yourself in the above, please take a moment and visit your future self. She is relying on you to: a) surrender! b) make good decisions now that will set her up for a better life later. And by the way, your present self, and those in her orbit, will benefit as well, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now and goes against all those societally conditioned messages you’ve absorbed for so long. By giving yourself permission to stop, step back, pay attention to what your body is desperately trying to tell you (that ‘locked leg!’), and care for yourself the way you would (and do) for those you love, you have a chance to change the path forward for the better. By the way, you’re also being a pioneer: modelling for others (especially females) what healthy leadership looks like.
In a couple of days I’ll be joined here at Quinta Carvalhas by 14 other adventurous women leaders for Sidecar Summit Portugal, where we’ll be discussing Love-Based Leadership. Nothing like this past week to get me into a heart-centered frame of being. Where my leg may be lacking, my heart will pick up the slack, especially because of the supportive ecosystem in which I find myself, and to which I have surrendered.
Yours in giving up the battle so as to win the larger war,
Bridget
P.S. For those interested in Regenerative Leadership: A Sidecar Summit in Spain, held April 16-29, 2026, we have realized that deadlines and applications are incompatible with the idea of regeneration. So yes, there are still spaces and you still have time to register! We’ll keep registration open as long as there are still spots available. 😊 Find out more and register here.
